Barack and Michelle Obama's Love Story: Everything They've Said About Their Marriage

In his 2020 book A Promised Land, Barack Obama wrote about his "not so perfect" marriage to Michelle Obama.

"Despite Michelle's success and popularity, I continued to sense an undercurrent of tension in her, subtle but constant, like the faint thrum of a hidden machine," he wrote. "It was as if, confined as we were within the walls of the White House, all her previous sources of frustration became more concentrated, more vivid, whether it was my round the clock absorption with work, or the way politics exposed our family to scrutiny and attacks, or the tendency of even friends and family members to treat her role as secondary in importance."

The former POTUS also spoke highly about his wife being his anchor when they were still at the White House.

"Lying next to Michelle in the dark, I'd think about those days when everything between us felt lighter, when her smile was more constant and our love less encumbered, and my heart would suddenly tighten at the thought that those days might not return," Barack added.

For Michelle, marriage should be "a true partnership."

"And you have to really, really like and respect the person you're married to, because it is a hard road," she told Oprah Winfrey in 2011.

Michelle explained, "I mean, that's what I tell young couples. Don't expect it to be easy — that's melding two lives and trying to raise others, and doing it forever. I mean that's a recipe made for disaster, so there are highs and lows. But if in the end, you can look him in the eye and say, 'I like you.' I stopped believing in love at first sight. I think you go through that wonderful love stage, but when it gets hard, you need a little bit more."

In November 2022, Michelle posted a heartwarming tribute to her husband alongside a lengthy caption about him and their marriage.

"I've lived in a number of places, but as far as I'm concerned, I've only ever had one real home. My home is my family. My home is Barack," she began her post.

According to Michelle, their marriage has never been "perfectly 50-50" as "one of us is always needing more or giving more."

"We have to be willing to listen to each other, honestly and without defensiveness. Only then, can we evolve together," she shared.

She noted she has given the same response to young people who asked her about marriage in recent years.

Michelle wrote, "You have to prepare yourself for long stretches of discord and discomfort. You have to learn how to make real compromises in the way you've lived as an individual. Glamorizing a relationship while you're dating will lead you straight to difficulty once you're married. You can't paper over problems when you're living with someone day in and day out."

Michelle spoke candidly about the difficulties in her marriage to Barack, especially during the early years of their relationship.

"People think I'm being catty saying this. It's like, there were 10 years where I couldn't stand my husband," she said during a Revolt TV panel in 2022. "And guess when it happened? When those kids were little."

Michelle pointed out, "And for 10 years, while we're trying to build our careers and, you know, worrying about school and who's doing what and what, I was like, ‘Ugh, this isn't even.' And guess what? Marriage isn't 50/50 — ever. There's sometimes I'm 70, he's 30, but guess what? We've been married 30. I would take 10 bad years over 30."

While Michelle and Barack's marriage is also filled with disagreements, the 61-year-old lawyer shared how they navigate negativity in their relationship.

"It's the choice to figure it out, not to quit when it gets hard. So yeah, I said something that I didn't mean to say, right?" Michelle said during an appearance on the "On Purpose with Jay Shetty" podcast.

She continued, "Year five, we might've had hurt feelings and it would have taken days to rectify it. Year 30, it's like, 'Ah, there she goes again, or there he goes again.' I know how to talk to him about it and when, because we've practiced it."

In an interview with Kylie Kelce on the "Not Gonna Lie" podcast, Michelle shared she has been lucky with her daughters, Sasha and Malia, although Barack reportedly once brought up they should have a third child.

"Dude," the mom-of-two jokingly responded to her husband's idea.

"Two good sleepers, I'd call it too," Kylie replied, prompting Michelle to add, "You know, I'm thinking we're gonna get a crazy one."

Michelle broke her silence on the speculation surrounding her marriage to Barack when she stepped back into the spotlight at SXSW in Austin, Texas, on March 13. During her appearance, she said they "are dealing with a lot of uncertainties."

"People always ask me and Barack, how did we stay hopeful in, not just the eight years in the White House, but beyond?" she said during the live taping of her "IMO with Michelle Obama and Craig Robinson" podcast. "Because, let me tell you, there was a lot of negative energy flipping our way, a lot of rumors, a lot of gossip, a lot of, you know, my husband wasn't born in this country … we weren't patriotic, he didn't get into Harvard."

The former first lady said she never "once looked at a comment section" as she reminded her listeners they "cannot live through social media."

She continued, "Don't let that negative energy enter into your space. These are people who don't know you. A lot of this stuff is made up, and it does not feed you. That doesn't mean you don't stay informed, but staying informed has nothing to do with the comment section. It has everything to do with the content of the stories that you take in."

During an April 3 conversation with Hamilton College President Steven Tepper, Barack admitted he was "in a deep deficit" with Michelle after they left the White House.

"So l have been trying to dig myself out of that hole by occasionally doing fun things," he added, explaining how they spice up their marriage by keeping his wife engaged in different things.